Why Keeping a Big Secret Is Worse Than You Think

Why Keeping a Big Secret Is Worse Than You Think

 

Oh they’re for Circlia, got it. Yep, that makes more sense. Keeping a secret can sometimes feel like a heavy weight has been placed on your shoulders. No, really. Researchers have found that having a secret made people think hills were steeper, distances further, and that physical tasks were harder - similar to when a person carries a physical burden. Secrets can affect your well-being, health, and relationships and have even been linked to anxiety, depression, and more health problems.,,,, Having a secret can also make you feel isolated or lonely. Despite all of that, nearly everyone has a secret and often they have more than one. In a 2017 study that surveyed 1,000 people, participants were keeping an average of 13 secrets, five of which they had never told anyone else. The most common types of secrets kept entirely to themselves involved extra-relational thoughts, meaning romantic thoughts about someone who wasn’t their current partner, or sexual behaviors like watching adult content or fantasies. But researchers have found that it's not the concealment that causes distress and lowers your well-being, or even how bad the secret is., What causes a negative effect on your well-being and health is actually due to how often you think about it - which study participants did around twice as much as they actively concealed their secret. This is made even worse if the secret or act of keeping it makes you feel inauthentic, or like you are hiding the real you. However, some scientists believe that there are advantages to keeping a secret, particularly during adolescence. They argue that it may help the development of the autonomous self - known as the process of individuation - due to the need for self-control and personal choice, which are a big part of keeping a secret., But while one study found that keeping secrets from parents contributed to feelings of autonomy in adolescents between the ages of 12 and 18, it also found that these students were more likely to have physical complaints and a depressed mood. Another study of 13 to 18 year olds found that secret keeping was associated with psychosocial problems like depressed moods, low self-control, loneliness, and poor relationships. And after divulging the secret, these problems lessened. While it’s not always possible to be open about your secret, confiding in just one other person can be beneficial and even remove that physical burden., A recent study published this year showed that confiding reduces the number of times you think about that secret, resulting in a better well-being. And talking about it with someone often leads to emotional support, guidance, and advice which makes keeping the secret from other less challenging. So, if you have a big secret constantly on your mind, find a close friend or a community that you can trust to help remove some of that weight, if you could safely do so. Are you good at keeping secrets, or do you spill the beans right away? Let me know in the comment section below, or tell me what I should talk about next! Curious to know how social anxiety really affects you?